Going as expected
We're on the sixth day of my daughter's new, stricter discipline system, and things have progressed as I might have expected they would. Around the third or fourth day, she went completely off the rails and behaved extra-super horribly all day, so I had to be especially carefully about following the new rules consistently. Now she is adjusting, and things are evening out a little, though we still have a ways to go. I should have done this three years ago. I guess back then, I was just hoping that being out of my abusive marriage, in a peaceful and loving home, would be what would make the difference for her. Nope. This girl needs major structure and strict consequences. At ten years of age, she has got to learn how to accept authority before it's too late and she faces really horrible consequences as some sort of juvenile offender.
Here's what we're doing: She has a checklist of things she is supposed to do every day, like make her bed, take her meds, practice piano, brush her teeth, etc. One item is "Get along with brother." Another is "Other chores as assigned." These two are the real toughies, because she has to be flexible and accept authority on the fly. Each chore is marked C for Complete/Compliant, NC for Not Completed/Non-Compliant, or NA for Not Applicable, as in days she has piano lessons and I don't require her to do additional practice. For each NC, she does 10 push-ups. For especially severe things, like kicking brother in the stomach, she does 20. She has also started taking Tae Kwon Do, so now we are all enrolled. She has had three classes, and seems to be enjoying it so far, though she was not willing at first. The Tae Kwon Do master has many years of experience dealing with kids who have issues with authority, even ones much more severe than my daughter's, and I am confident that she will benefit from his coaching.
When my daughter is being verbally abusive toward me, she knows it, of course. Now when I point to the floor and say, "Ten!" there's a fair chance she will admit she is busted for being disrespectful, and drop to the floor to do push-ups without arguing. I see that as major progress.
posted by Mary in the Midwest @ 12:24 PM
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